I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
