Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
