i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
