remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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