Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
