Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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