Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This house was built for laser tag.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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