Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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