Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
