What did we do last night that was yellow?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
