I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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