I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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