hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
