Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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