what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
