i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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