love makes seman taste better
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
