If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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