Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
