Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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