Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
