Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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