just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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