I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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