i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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