12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
