Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
