Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
