He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
