dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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