Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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