um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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