Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
