But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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