ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
