I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
