Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
