I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
