I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
