What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
