I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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