You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
