Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
