I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
