the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
