I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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