so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
