Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
