My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
