Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You've changed since you got that strap on
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
