Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
