you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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