I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
