His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
