Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
