we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Still dying that you shit outside
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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