well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
