all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
