i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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