Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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