I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
