I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize