Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize