RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
