I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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