I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
