just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
