Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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