I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
