Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
