I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
