wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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