in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
