you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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