his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
