Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's never too late to be topless.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
