just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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