you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
