You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
