I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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