but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize