I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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