I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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