Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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