i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
