I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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