Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
