I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
