I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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