In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
