you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize