Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
