I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
