so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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