words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
