her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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