Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
