Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
