great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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