Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
