what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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