her vagine was all disorganized.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
