i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
