Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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