well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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