i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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