If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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