Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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