lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize