He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
