How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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