That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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