I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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