Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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