I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
