My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
