So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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