So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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