I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
