How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize